One of the Boys

Last night, as I closed out the second bar of the night on a Sunday evening, I looked around at my peers and I thought, “What's going on? What's happening? Who am I?” I was with three boys. We started the night with maybe 15 people, and somehow it was just the four of us. Me and the boys. (And I wanted to go home at like 10:30, so the fact I was still out at 2 made me sad.)

This is the usual case with me, though. Over the past few years, I’ve gravitated more towards guys. I become friends with them easier than ladies. Is it a catty thing? Maybe. But I have a great set of lady friends. Julia and Kelly aside (they don’t count as ladies. They’re just my Julia & Kelly) – but I have my friends from home, and even some girl improv friends. But, I just think it’s strange.

On the House Teams, I quickly became the only girl on every team. When I started side-troupes, it was always with just guys. Then with Awkward Compliment, still I am the only girl. On the NXT, there are a few girls now, but still – I gravitate towards the boys out of habit. Part of that is I have standing relationships with most of them (Evan, Matt, Tony, etc.) but it’s not that I don’t love the girls (Kirsten’s also a very good friend of mine!), I’m just a boy’s girl lately.

It’s starting to ruin my life, because all of my conversation topics are awful. Sometimes I forget who I’m with. So sexual details and certain words and bits – well they shouldn’t be used in regular, normal people conversation. I have to put aside the fact that I hang out with gross, dirty boys and act like a lady sometimes. And I am! I’m a lady!

The other day, someone on the House Teams said to me, “We didn’t want to be that troupe with only one girl, no offense.” None taken. Well, maybe. Sure, there are tons of troupes with one girl… because female improvisers are hard to come by. It’s a confidence issue – I don’t think girls are generally as confident throwing themselves out there and making themselves look like an idiot as men. After years of being forced to be physical and move around and make stupid faces, you deal with the fact that improv isn’t about looking good & pretty. But I’m proud of the fact that I can look at a group of guys and say “Let’s do this” and hold my own. I’m not always a rape victim or an abused wife, either. So, score for me.

Now hanging out with them – easy. It’s the whole other boy-girl relationship that’s difficult. How does one act normal around a cute boy? Oh, one shouldn’t give fake blowjobs to Casey while simultaneously calling him her “dad” (pronounced d-yad)? The Road to Normalcy: The Patty Barrett Challenge.