Chasing the B Plan

When I first went to college, I had no idea what I wanted to be.  

I thought, "I'm good at speaking.  I have a big personality.  I'd probably be good at marketing.  I love promoting things that I love, so I'd probably enjoy Public Relations."  

Then I found improv and all of that stuff soon became my "plan B."  Improv was what I wanted to do with my life.  I wanted to perform for a living!  I wanted my job title to be "comedian and performer."  And then it did become that (much later) and I changed my thought process to, "comedy is what I want to do with my life."  Writing it, performing it, watching it or just blogging about it here.  It's something I love and am passionate about.  

But, lately, I've been having these weird little aches.  

An ache for a bigger apartment somewhere outside the city.  An ache for a car, so that I could drive anywhere whenever I want and be able to leave my neighborhood more often.  An ache for a night in watching cable TV, which I currently don't need slash probably couldn't afford.  An ache to go out to dinner on a Friday night with a friend.  An ache to get a drink after work.  An ache to wake up early and get ready and be productive all day long at a desk that doesn't double as my bed.  An ache to make a living doing something more solid and having money in my bank account and not being afraid to open mail because it might be a lawyer suing me because I've been late on loan payments.  

I love my life.  I love the choices I've made.  And I'm so happy that I made a decision and followed my dream.  But, every now and then, I just think about the B plan and how different I'd be.  Maybe I'd be a little more sane.  Maybe I'd be a little more settled and stable. 

But... I know for a fact, I'd be a whole lot more lonely.  Without making people laugh.  Without writing sketches for my friends.  Without doing bits in a bar on a Tuesday night.  Without free time during the day.  Without flexing my creative muscles.  Without adventure and excursions and exploration.  

So, for now, I'm settling with Plan A: being completely unsettled.  #yolo