Dear Casey,

I'm going to miss you!

Even though all you ever do is cry when you don't get your way.

You're such a little pussy.

But I'll miss everything else!

Because you're a really great person. Even though you're TERRIBLE.

And you're the most fun to do bits with.

Like when you get me hunting target owls.

And you always tell me I'm amazing and great

when I feel not so amazing or great.

And your facial expressions are always real ugly.

Which is funny because you're not ugly.

I'll miss when ghosts appear behind you.

And I'll miss performing with you.

And I'll miss it when you act like a total douche bag.

{ "CApri" "bruSKETa" }

I'll miss you a whole lot. And I don't know who I'm going to ROFL and LOL and FM...L with.

And... whatever. I don't care. No really. I DON'T CARE.

P.s. I love you... the movie!

NO PATTY.

 

Now that I'm doing mainstage shows,  I've been missing some Awkward Compliment shows on Thursdays. This saddens me, but at least I'm not missing them all the time! I'm glad I still get to be part of the group. Not that they'd kick me out without a fight. A chicken fight.

To let them know when I'm scheduled to NOT be there, I added "NO PATTY" to our shared calendar. That's what it looks like when the reminder pops up on Casey's phone. I like to give them a nice, loud and angry reminder of what CRUCIAL CAST MEMBER they're missing! 

Also, Casey likes oranges. Dot com.

 

Hi My Name is Casey Hi

To celebrate Casey's silver streaks of hair catching up with his age, here are:

Five Things To Love on a Casey's Birthday:

 1.  this guy from Vampire Diaries, which he watches, that kind of looks like him.

2. iCarly doll.

3. Clover on a rollercoaster.

4. An iced, cold Newcastle.

5. Tiger Belt Buckle.

Happy  birthday Casey Elizabeth! You're the best friend ever! Thanks for always telling me I'm amazing, letting me send you pictures of cute animals and indulging my stupid bits. {I.e. when I sneeze, get really scared and you tell me I'm still there.} I hope you read a lot of poop stories today.

P.S. I love you! The movie!

Case It All

Did you know that I ghost write a blog for my friend, Casey? Well, I do. It's called Case It All {which really makes no sense. But if he did start a blog, I'd want him to call it, "Case in Point" or "Just in Case..." or "Casey and JoJo".}  It's pretty awesome and paints a pretty terrible picture of him. But, I can assure you that it's all embellished.*

Today, I share with you an excerpt:

Hey, what's up, it's Casey. Whatever. Shut up.


It's 9:40 on a Monday and I just finished doing my hair. I started when I got home from work... so like 7:15ish. I figured I'd post a tutorial on how to get your hair to look as bad ass as mine.

Step 1: Take a shower. Remove your ill-fitted Simpsons character boxers first though. I forgot this time. Usually I remember.

Step 2: Shampoo, cry, condition, Axe body wash, sob for two minutes straight. Repeat 3 times, elongate the sobbing for an additional four minutes.

Step 3: Take a towel and slowly de-fog the mirror. Start by placing the towel at the top of the mirror and slowly working your way down. While doing that, stare into the mirror sexily.

Step 4: Throw towel on the floor. Stare at self. You can blow a kiss, but you don't have to, you know you've got your reflections attention, you don't need to go allout.

Step 5: Spray yourself with Axe body spray.

Step 6: Gently take out your basket of hair products.

Step 7: Take some L.A. Looks gel out and empty half the bottle into your hands. Separate into two piles and hold in each hand. Run both hands through your hair. Pretend you're nickname is "Preppy".

Step 8: Flex your muscles. Take a picture of your dick with your iPhone. Hipstamatic app makes it look cooler, but you can go without it.

Step 9: Now that the gel has dried, take out some Finesse or Rave hairspray. Close your eyes and spray for roughly five minutes. If you're upset with yourself, open your eyes and feel the burn.

Step 10: Cry.

Step 11: Take out Garnier Fructis Surf Hair Wax: Made for Woman. Make sure the tube says "Made for Woman". Put JUST A LITTLE BIT on your fingertips and rub them together. Mold your hair until it's perfectly coiffed.

Step 12: Put some clothes on. Even if it's those same ill-fitted Simpsons character boxers. You can also go for Family Guy ones... ONLY IF IT'S STEWIE DRESSED AS DARTH VADER.

Step 13: Put on mascara.

Step 14: Sit on your couch and watch some episodes of Las Vegas.

Step 15: Reconvene sobbing.

*Embellished because he cries WAY more than that. WAY more. EASY. {does anybody know where that quote is from?}

Hi. You'll do.

Hi! It's Saturday! I woke up very sick and have since spent the entire day on my couch watching witch-themed things like various "Harry Potter" movies (6th, 2nd and now the 3rd), "Bewitched" and "Wizards of Waverly Place." I have also spent a lot of time on Facebook, because that is what lazy Saturdays are for. And y'know how on the side-bar random pictures of your friends show up now?

Well this is what I saw:

 

That's a picture of my friend Casey from 2005.

With a shirt that says, "Hi. You'll do."

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best picture ever. What a D-BAG.

5 years later, he wears less of those shirts (at least in public)

But his face is exactly the same:

What A Plate Day!

So I had this whole post written out about how stupid today was and how I was mad and annoyed at life and would do anything to go home and crawl into bed to watch Arrested Development and feel bad about myself.

Then I reached into my bag to get my medication... and I found a plate.

A plate.

What was the plate doing in my bag?

Then I rememered leaving my bag on a table while I walked around the bar and socialized last night. I saw Casey putting things in my bag from across the room, but I thought he just took my phone and did something weird to it. Nope. He put a plate in there. I also found a fork. That's my middle name. Fork.

And then I started laughing hysterically. And I re-read the post I had originally wrote and thought "You're RIDICULOUS." And then the sun came out. {No joke!} And then I went to return the plate to my bag, and found a box... and it was from Anthropologie, and it was the skirt that I thought I had misplaced or had been stolen from me! And then, my leg (which has been hurting since DiBello KICKED IT last night) felt better. And THEN... well, you get the point.

What a plate day!

Get it? {Because "plate" rhymes with "great"! Funny!}

P.s. this is what I turned the plate into:

Me and Casey are bFFL. And that is our Friend Ship.