Open Letter to Ladies

Hey ladies,

We're not perfect, right? Of course we're not. We're emotional, needy, attention-whores and it's time we admit it and stop getting mad at guys for saying these things about us. Sure, it shouldn't be held against us. Because, we're ALL that way for the most part. At this point, they should know what they're getting into, right?! But let's embrace our womanhood!

Here are some tips I have learned... from one imperfect lady to another. 

1. Don't talk about how cool you are, just be cool. I think I'm great! I really do. But when I'm seeing a guy, I don't constantly say, "Man, you can hang out with whatever lady you want, I swear I won't get jealous. That's how lucky you are." I just don't get jealous (unless there's a history of lack of trust.) But in general, have faith that you're constantly exuding personality and don't have to remind everyone of it all the time.

2. Don't be crazy Don't think you'll feel better by making someone else feel bad. Just... stop. If someone doesn't want you or like you... stop. Stop trying to make it work! It's not going to! Feel sad, eat your feelings, drink a lot, fall asleep in your hallway or on the side of buildings (both happened to me) and let your little heart break into a million little pieces. Contacting him to make him feel bad, guilty, awkward will do NOTHING but make him pity you, and the response you get (or lack thereof) will NOT make you happy.

3. Don't sell yourself short. If you're at work and you think you deserve a promotion, ask for it. Own up to every good quality in both your personal and professional life. This means, accept compliments. If someone tells you they like your outfit, say "Thanks." and not, "What? Really? I don't know, I feel like I look weird today." And if you want a certain job and feel you're qualified, go after it. A man would never second guess something like that, why should you?

4. Pick up the pieces yourself. Don't ever expect anybody else to do it for you. And don't hold it against anyone for not fixing you. You're in charge of your own life. You're a big girl. Understand that if all you ever do is cry and leave the house in sweatpants and judge everyone around you and get mad at other people's happiness - people will stop inviting you out. Take control of yourself, put on our sassy pants, swipe on some lipstick and get out there!

5. I'm sorry I said the word "sassy pants."

Love,
Patty Barrett, or Ms. Barrett if you're nasty.

P.s. I'm sorry I said that, too.

Product Placement.

This is for the ladies. Strictly for the ladies.

What? You're saying you don't get that Backstreet Boys reference to the song "Just To Be Close To You" circa their first released album, "Backstreet Boys," that was only released in Europe in 1996? Well, then, you're crazy.

Someone told me I had nice hair this morning, and I took that as them asking me "What's your secret?" Well a lady never tells her secrets! But, since it's still debatable how lady-like I am, I'll share mine!

Here are products I swear by that make me look like the freshly picked rhubarb that I am... when I feel like putting time and effort into myself. Which is 9 times out of the year.

John Frieda Clear Shine Luminous Color Glaze

This shit is awesome. They have specific glazes for people with brown and blonde hair, but I'm neither of those things! (Just kidding, just found a red one on Amazon!) So I get the clear one. But no stores ever carry it, so I always get it at the Christmas Tree Shop for some reason. So next time you're getting Halloween decorations or cheap furniture, pick some up. It's like $10 ($5 on Amazon!) and what you do is put it on your dry hair and throw your hair in a bun and let it sit for 20 minutes while you put on heels and sing and dance to Michael Jackson in your room. Then you take a shower and style like normal except your hair is significantly shinier and straighter and feels like a satin pillow. Also, if you color your hair, it brightens the color right back up. One bottle gets you through like 5 washes. And I do it like once a week. (Or less... because I'm generally lazy.)

Garnier Fructis Wonder Waves spray

I know that everyone's hair is different. But I have Irish hair. If you have Irish hair, then this stuff is great. And it's cheap. And I've bought more expensive varieties (bumble and bumble, not worth it.) I take a shower, I spray this all over my hair and I blow dry it with a diffuser. Then my hair is wavy like gravy.

this is a Clarisonic brush. this is like, $200. super expensive. but it's AWESOME. last year I had really bad skin... and then my sister got me this for christmas. and then, I used it... and it's like getting a facial. My skin cleared up quickly. Your skin is so smooth after and when you use it before bed and then put on moisturizer, the moisturizer works better. And when you use it in the morning and then put on make up, the skin absorbs it better so it looks more blended and flawless. They have cheaper versions - and they released a smaller one, the mia. But, a vibrating facial brush {that sounds like a sex toy} is worth it, in my opinion. Although, going on birth control also could have cleared my face up. So... you could do that, too. Helps in so many ways!

tarte cheek stain in blushing bride. it's like $30. but... i'm obsessed. it looks dark, but it goes on pretty light and it brightens your skin up. Cheek stains in general are awesome alternatives to blush because they stay on and in my opinion, they're easier to put on without overdoing it and looking like a Ginny doll. Also see Benetint.

Farouk CHI Professional Hair Dryer. Yes, I have a $100 blowdryer.

But, here's the thing: it literally cut my hair drying time in half. It's SO fast and I blow dry my hair on the low setting and it STILL works faster. AND, it's quiet! I've had it for a year and it still works as good and the nozzle is ceramic so it dries your hair quick and soft, so it's not frizzy. Best investment ever!

I'm the type of girl who buys expensive mascara, my favorites are Bad Gal from Benefit and Buxom from Bare Escentuals, both around $20. But One by One Volum from Maybelline literally works just as well as those. You get the volume, the staying power and it doesn't make your eyelashes all flaky like most drugstore mascaras. Plus it's like $9, so you can still buy yourself an ice cream sandwich for when you go home and cry away your mascara.

In other drugstore finds, Line Stiletto liquid eyeliner by Maybelline is hands down my favorite liquid eyeliner ever. I have THREE. I keep one in my purse, one in my make-up drawer and one in my bathroom. People are afraid of liquid liner, but it's SO MUCH BETTER. It's easy to put on, looks so much better and stays on forever. Once you get it down, it's the best. And this is cheap, like $9.

Loreal Feria hair color. That's the color I get... or most recently used. I usually do more reds, but felt like doing an auburn-y thing since my hair is ombre right now with blonde ends. Anyway, I've been dying my hair for almost 10 years. I've gone through so many different products and spent a good 5 years getting it done professionally, then realized that's way too expensive and not worth it. So, I do it myself now. And Feria is the best dye I've ever used. The colors look so much richer, it's easy to apply, it smells good, and Elizabeth Banks is the spokesperson. And THAT MATTERS TO ME. It's about $12... and I do it every 2 months or whenever necessary. Saves me about... $68.

Um, that's enough, right? Yeah. I mean, I could go on for days...

{best concealer, best eye shadows, best shampoo/conditioner for color treated hair, best face moisturizer}

but I won't.  Hope you have enjoyed this, ladies! And Casey!

** I did not get paid to plug any of these things... I just gave them money and free WOM advertising. America! America! This is you!