On The Elevator

Every other Wednesday, I get a call from Earthworm Recycling. They say, “Hey Patty, we’re downstairs!” and I say, “Be right down!” in a cheery manner, even though I dread their call and this particular activity as I always manage to hurt myself when taking down two recycling bins… because, well, I’m me.

Today was no exception. Not only did I slam my finger in between the door and the recycling bin, as well as slice another finger on cardboard… but this also happened:

I got back in the elevator with an empty recycling bin. There was a man waiting for the elevator and he let me go first. I moved the bin over and said, “There’s room for one more person!” and he jumped on. He then politely asked me which floor I was going to.

“8, thank you!”

He then pressed “8” and “5”.

“Oops! I’m not going to the 5th floor, I’m going to the 9th!” He said, as he pressed the “7”

“Uh oh, you just hit 7!”

“That’s because I’ve always wanted to ride alone in an elevator with a beautiful lady.” He then pressed the “9”.

Now, this man was like… in his 60’s. He was older. He was carrying samples of something – tile? Brick? He was clearly in the building on business, and he looked like one of those short men who work in Italian restaurants and come to your tables half-way through your meal and ask how everything is. I mean, he was adorable, so when he called me a beautiful lady I thought, “He’s like a grandpa!” Until…

“You’ve got a beautiful smile. Teeth. Hair. Everything, you’re just so beautiful.”

“Thank you very much. That’s always nice to hear.”

“Now, I hope you don’t mind if I accidentally press every button.” And then he did.

We stopped at 4, 5, 6, 7, and finally 8 as he continued to tell me how beautiful I was, and how if he was a lot younger, he would take advantage of the moment. I just giggled and smiled, and didn’t really know what to say. What do you say to someone who tells you they’d take advantage of you if they were in a different circumstance? (Remember this)

So, I now hate going about my daily life because no matter what, I always manage to get myself into extremely uncomfortable sexual harassment situations because, well, I’m me.

** It was nothing like the above picture. Then it would be my fault. Generally I'm not asking for it. Generally.