Flirting.

I’m a girl! So I love to flirt. And laugh. And have fun with my friends. But I’m notorious for misconstruing flirting for just general politeness, friendliness, sexual harassment and/or rape.

“You’re so much fun to be around, everyone else sucks.”

His mind: She’s so much fun to be around; everyone else sucks.

Mine: Totally in love with me.

“I like your glasses.”

His mind: I like her glasses.

My mind: Totally into me.

“Why don’t you unbutton that top button and show us what we want to see?”

His mind: I’m totally engaged/married/dating someone but I like boobs.

My mind: He’s engaged/married/dating someone – but THIS LOVE IS REAL.

“Give me your purse or I’ll trap you in this alley!”

His mind: I’m a drunk/drugged out/homeless man and I need money and/or someone else’s flesh against mine.

My mind: ROMANCE  ISN'T DEAD!

So, there’s that. But I also am really bad at flirting. In some situations, guys are actually attracted and interested in me (mainly after a jug of alcohol) – and then I go and ruin it by saying things like:

“Oh man, I haven’t drank like this in a while – I like to be home early so my cat doesn’t get mad at me.”

“I’m 25 and arthritic, I have the joints of a 75 year old!”

“I’m totally down to make out – let me just see if any of my friends need me to sleep with them tonight.”

“Where’d I get this pearl necklace? My mom. Why? Oh, was that supposed to be a dirty thing?”

“I imagine I’ll probably die of some STD that doctors aren’t even aware of.”

“I was saving my virginity for Jimmy Fallon, but then I got bored.”

“No! I’m definitely not seeing anyone right now. In fact, I haven’t been seeing anyone in so long that my cave is filled with cobwebs.”

“We should exchange numbers. I’ll text you pictures of myself when I wake up in the morning, you have to see how weird my bangs look!”

I'm gonna go lock myself in a cave for a year or two. 

have a good weekend!

I'm Doing Me.

Last year I made the decision to blog with reckless abandon. And I'm glad I did. For the most part, I posted every single day, whether I had anything to write or not, and it truly made me a better writer.

There are days where I am trying to post and I think, "Damn girl, who you writing this for? Ain't nobody reading this thing!"  {my inner self is very, very sassy} and then I get discouraged. But, I can't control whether people want to read what I'm writing or not. The fact of the matter is I do it because I like it. And because when I don't, Casey texts me and yells at me.

My blog is my corner of the world where I can post pictures of things I saw throughout the internet that made me happy for no other reason than it made me happy. My blog doesn't ever say, "No, you can't blog right now." My blog doesn't give me notes. When writing my blog, I don't have to write for anyone else. I don't have to think of plots, story lines, endings. And man, endings can be so challenging. I can be funny. I can be serious. I don't have to compete for stage time or get upset because someone else gets to post more than me.  I'm my own boss. I can document shows, inside jokes, pictures of my friends doing stupid things, haircuts, certain thoughts I was thinking certain days. And, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

It's so freeing!

The one thing I learned from 2010 {among many, many things}is to stop trying to please everyone else, to stop comparing myself to others and to stop trying to prove myself. {That was three things.} I think that's a general rule for life. I may never be as successful a blogger as some of the blogs I read, I may never get taken on to a cast I want to get on, I may not do as wonderful a job at my day job as the person before me or the person they expect me to be, I may never be more than a friend and I may get dropped as a friend sometimes for no rhyme or reason. But... that's fine and that should never stop anyone from doing something. At the end of the day, I still have a blog that I'm proud of, I perform several times a week with people that I adore, I enjoy going to work every day, there are other fish in the sea and for every friend I lose - I have 5 more behind me. {Not that I lose a lot of friends...}

Basically, next time I blog and I ask "Ugh, what am I doing?" I'm going to respond to myself with this: "Oh yeah, that's right, I'm doing me. I'm doing me. I'm livin' life right now and this is what imma do until it's over. Til it's over. But! It's far from over." {thanks to Drake for the lyrics.}

How was my motivational speech? I decided the other night, in an Advil PM-induced coma, that I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I'll take a motivational blogger, for now.

it's the freakin weekend, baby.

this is how i have spent my weekend:

 

{sick in bed. with edith on my back.}  

 {season 2 of Rugrats. . . cause I'm 24 & cool.}

okay. so i lied. that is how i spent my saturday night only.

i holiday partied on thursday & friday night and it all must have caught up with me because i'm having both sinus and stomach issues today {which i don't think is due to drinking just a lingering sinus infection since Thanksgiving and a bad lunch.}

i'm ok with being lame though. 

i'm booking a trip to Chicago this week!

and i might be going somewhere warm in January

{i need to tan my franks...}

Hope you're all having a great weekend!

Reptar, Reptar, gotta find that Reptar.

Yawny Time Junction

Right now, it's 8:22am on a Tuesday. I was out last night until 12:30am. I woke up at 5:45am and did not fall back asleep. I just gave up and got out of bed at 6:30 and showered and got ready. On most days, I wake up at 8. So... yeah. All I want to do is complain - but I'm not going to.

I'm eating a Starbucks kid's pack. It has bunny friends and string cheese in it and I think they both made me sick. But I do have a giant coffee and a tiny water.

I love the song "Cleaning Out My Closet" by Eminem. It's not playing in Starbucks, that would be weird. But I do love it. I know the whole song by heart and could rap it for you, if you'd like. That and "Forgot About Dre". Two good songs that I like to rap to. I like to rap.

I thought my cold went away. Turns out... it didn't.

My roommate, Kiley, is back! I had a nice night with her, her roommate from the ship, Cecily, and my good friend Michael. We had pizza at Regina's, which is the best in the town! We even got a pitcher of Diet Coke so it felt like we were at a child's birthday party. We walked around the North End, got coffee and talked and then had a few drinks. I like the holidays. I like when I live with my roommate. And I like when Mike's in town.

I'm wearing a red sweater. Now that my hair is darker and almost brown, I've been dabbling with wearing red. I didn't like wearing it before because it clashed with my hair - but now I'm dipping my toes into the red-wearing-pool.

Speaking of hair, mine is super soft right now! And Cavan's hair is spiky.

I'm doing a 24-hour improv show this Friday-Saturday. I'm going to have fun with my friends.

There are two cute dogs outside and they just kissed each other. They have different owners. My heart is melting!

The other day, I took my birth control pill in a restaurant and the waitress got super uncomfortable and apologized for interrupting me. As if I whipped out a boob and started breastfeeding at the table. It was very strange! Hey lady, we're both women! I gotta take this pill - it makes my skin look better!

Those are just a string (cheese) of thoughts. Have a good day, everyone.

P.s. I love you... (the movie)

Thanksgiving Eve

I was going to blog about Harry Potter today. But then I realized, I get far too emotional about it... and nobody wants to listen to me talk about it. So, just see the 7th movie if you're interested in Harry Potter. It's a really good one. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll be left in suspense!

So, instead, I bring you a picture of the fake nails I was rocking all day at work. They were chrome and zebra. So, I was called Chrome Zebra. They are applied by Rachel, who did a horribly offensive impression of a manicurist that I can't even quote her. They got mixed reviews, but mostly people were disgusted by them. Especially when one of them got stuck in my hair in a meeting.

What can I say? I'm from Everett. Also, I love my company.

Tomorrow I'm going to be posting like... all day. Tons of things I'm thankful for! So... put your THANKS up.

Lil' Letters

screen cap from j.crew... and their stupid over-priced clothes and their cute models!

Dear brain, I wish you would stop thinking when I'm trying to go to sleep. Even if it's good, creative ideas! Give me those during the day when I'm depleated of creativity.

Dear Disneyland documentary streaming on Netflix, thanks for giving me fifty of the most magical minutes of my life.

Dear gross nightmare, you're gross. Stop it.

Dear Tina Fey, thanks for existing. I wish I could skip my show on Sunday night to watch you receive your Mark Twain award, but that would defeat the purpose of being inspired by you, huh?

Dear old-school Mariah Carey, you are so good! Your voice is pretty, your songs are fun and you remind me of my childhood.

Dear 112, where did you go? I like your songs. If you're out there and you know it clap your hands. Clap, clap, clap?

Dear AC show we had last night, you were AWESOME and so much fun to do. I wish I could do you every Thursday - but we have other shows to do and love!

Dear J.Crew, there is no reason for this shirt to be $70 or this one to be $72! Do your shirts have magic pockets filled with fun?!? No?!? Then why are they so expensive? --> :( {While we're on it, $98?, $128?  $298? } ugh.... you're KILLING me.

Dear you, have a good weekend! I love you... more than you'll never know.

Things Are Happening!

whore makeup!

my week in a nut shell:

- I've got ready to the new Katy Perry album every single morning. And then listened to it while I walked to work and pretended I was in a music video. I feel guilty for not listening to a member of the Jackson family though, so from here on out I will refer to her as Katy Perry Jackson.

- I have crazy calf muscles that look like tiny little monsters trying to break out of my calves. When I’m trying to sleep, they're really annoying. But I found my savior! I ran across the street and grabbed coconut water, which tastes disgusting. I mixed it with some water, and voila! Hydration + potassium = dead calf monsters. {Coconut water is also an awesome hangover cure.}

- I bought “Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol on DVD”. Because it’s my favorite Christmas movie and it reminds me of being a child. Also, because I broke my family’s VCR when I tried to watch “Nightmare Before Christmas” a few weeks ago. :(

- I tried to dress like a whore and I thought I did. But when I told Ryan that it was my goal, he said, “You don’t look like a whore.” DAMNIT. Apparently, whores don’t wear blazers. I have a lot of studying to do.

- I’m writing a spec script – and I have pages of outlines of the characters and situations they'd get in. I feel like J.K. Rowling! If she didn’t create her own ideas, took something already in existence and wrote a fake script that nobody would ever see. I like getting into the brains of these people (both the characters and writers behind them).

- I mixed black and navy! Blasphemy!

P.s. It's Friday! Put ya franks up!

Things to Believe in (on a Friday)

that CB2 designs some of the BEST photo shoots and i want my room to look like it walked right out of a CB2 catalogue. You know, if it had legs for doing that.

that sometimes you need to get a martini called the "Bomb Pom Fizz" {or whatever it was called} because you're having fun with your friends at an Indian lounge and why not?

that all comedians have to hate themselves in some way. if they truly loved everything about their life, what would be funny? {if everything was perfect, everything would be boring.}

that you can't see my eyes because of my glasses frames. but they're Chanel and i don't want to give them up or pay for another pair of Chanel frames!

that playing Christmas music is totally acceptable in October. {not a big Halloween fan.}

that if you do yoga 3 times in 24 hours, eating buffalo chicken fingers is like, wicked good for you.

the word "pork" is really funny.

that wedges are an acceptable alternative to sky high heels.

that doing things you're afraid of can be fun. like going ghost hunting. or seeing paranormal activity 2 in a movie theatre knowing full well you won't sleep for the rest of your life.

that it's not about the destination - it's about the journey.

it doesn't matter if you get the perfect job, or get married by the age you thought you would - it's about what you learn about yourself and the experiences you have along the way.

{i said that while being interviewed today, and i wanted to pat{ty} myself on the pack for it.}

get what I did there?

hey. have a good friday.

and weekend.

AND COME SEE RAUNCH TOMORROW NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT!!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

In high school, I was depressed. I was a teenager and I didn’t know anything about life! So I went and saw a therapist and then I went to college, and then I slowly – but surely – worked it all out. But I learned that the root of everything was my own perception of myself. I wasn’t bullied – I was bullying myself! What a stupid thing to do, right?

 

Over the weekend, a couple of my friends were teasing me. It was really overwhelming to me at the time. I get teased a lot, and I’m usually pretty OK with it. I’m surrounded by boys! Haha, I’m a whore! Haha, I can’t even get homeless men to date me! Hahahaha. Bits! At the time though, I just sorta sat in silence, took it, then went home and spent three hours wallowing in my bed. I’m pretty pissed about that – because I wanted to go to the Gap and the weather was beautiful and it would have been an opportune time to squeeze in some yoga. But instead, I cried and napped away the sad.

 

I woke up and I got mad at myself. Like, “C’mon Patty! You have to handle this! You are supposed to be called gross and be totally ok with it!” Except… that’s not healthy at all. I’m a human. I’m pretty much allowed to feel a little bit offended when one of my friends – specifically ones I’ve gone out of my way to help or support - gang up on me and make fun of me! They were just being jerks for no reason. Because it made them laugh and it made me feel dumb – good for them!

 

So, I snapped out of it because I realized the following things:

 

- The only reason they do it is because I do it to myself. Not cool. It’s not cool that I treat myself poorly (like I did back when I was a dumb teenager!) and it’s not cool for them to do it. But maybe if I respect myself, other people will follow. 

- That I’m totally allowed to be human (and a girl!) and feel human and girly emotions. I have a thick skin, if a stranger says anything to me – whatever. Who are they? They don’t know my life! I’m from Everett and I will cut them. But it shouldn’t be suggested that people should have a thick skin to protect them from their friends!

- Don’t waste perfectly good Sundays feeling bad for yourself. If you're going to feel bad for yourself, at least get things done in the process.

- I'm so fresh and I can't help it.

- And finally, OMG I’m a girl! I think I’m a boy so often, that it’s kinda nice to be a girl and own up to it! Who wants to drink wine and sing Celine Dion with me?

10 Reasons I'm Weird

 1. i don't like soup. at all.

in fact, today i made red sauce instead of soup to try to help my cold.

2. when i can't fall asleep, i netflix old Nickelodeon cartoons and play them.

3. i've {still} never eaten an egg.

4. speaking of eggs, i don't like breakfast foods. i love making pancakes, but i don't love eating them. it's too sweet and dessert-y.oh, i should also note one of my life-long dreams is to open a breakfast restaurant named "Pattycakes". again, weird.

5. i don't have a passport, and i never have had one.

Degas Ballerina by Edgar Degas

6. i minored in art history in college not only because i was interested in it, but because it was hard. i liked the challenge of studying and making index cards and actually learning something and taking it all in. with PR or journalism, i didn't need to do that because it all came sorta naturally. and honestly? i think about art more often, and i remember a lot of things and it totally helped us in trivia. 

7. i actually enjoy watching iCarly. 

8. i live in the city where there are laundromats everywhere, but i still go home to my parents' house every weekend to do my laundry. 

9. i'm OBSESSED with driving. i've contemplated being a cab driver because i love driving around so much. but, then again, i'd probably get killed. but when i go home to do my laundry, i borrow a car and make up excuses to drive long distances {and sometimes, i don't get out of the car. i drive up route 1 and back blasting Michael Jackson.}

10. i wouldn't consider myself religious anymore, but I still feel guilty about EVERYTHING all the time like a true Irish Catholic.

this is my boredom post. i took the day off from work because i'm sick and i've slept so much and I'M STILL SO TIRED. but at least i get to watch "30 Rock" tonight! LIVE!