On Career Goals and Making It

When you spend a huge chunk of your adult life performing comedy and then you move to Los Angeles, it makes sense that the two would go hand in hand.  So, it makes sense that people are always asking me "Are you doing any shows?" or "Where are you performing these days?" or "Where are your taking classes?"  But despite it making sense, I'm still getting more and more bothered by it.

My time performing did inspire my move to Los Angeles, but it's not the only reason.  And whenever my answers are: "Not really" or "Once at iO and this other show in a strip mall next to a Von's" or "I'm not taking classes" - I get looks of disappointment, or advice on what I should be doing or the dreaded "It'll get better once you start performing more!"

My love of performing and writing pushed me to move to Los Angeles.  I thought about moving a lot, but I wasn't really sure where I wanted to move.  There was Chicago to study improv at Second City, or New York for UCB and there was Los Angeles for Groundlings or UCB.  In the end, I decided on Los Angeles because I could train at whatever improv school I wanted to and I felt that there would be more writing opportunities in television which was the end goal I saw for myself.

In my mind, there was no other option.  It was comedy or bust!  When you spend so much of your life focusing on comedy and performing, there is nothing else.  There is really only one path to take and there are only a handful of jobs to go after.  It just so happens that basically everyone in the comedy world - thousands of people - are literally going for those same jobs.

Needless to say, this past year has been slightly overwhelming and eye-opening.

The first road block I hit was money. I don't have the funds to take improv classes.  They range from $400-600 for one course.  It seemed outrageous to me - and it still does.  I have so much to pay for and paying that much for a skill that I already had just seemed crazy.  It's not that I think I can't grow or get any better, I know that I can, but I can't justify spending the money on something I have already spent so much time and money on.

The next road block for me was the overwhelming scene.  I love improv and I think I'm pretty good at it.  It's something that I get and feel comfortable doing.  But there are hardly any jobs in improv.  Well, you can teach it.  And you can be on Whose Line Is It Anyway? but it's hard to make a career out of unless you're Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles.  There are ways to find a job, but they're rare and either don't pay that well or they're used as stepping stones to a bigger thing.  Like SNL for example, or acting or television writing or basically ANYTHING ELSE in the entertainment industry.  You make those connections and you break into that scene by taking classes and performing at well-known theaters.  And that's awesome.  The improv community is huge and it's great.  But it's the first part that I can't get past… it's HUGE.  Overwhelmingly huge.  A part of me wishes I moved out here when I was younger and had less improv experience because moving out here with a resume full of improv credits is equal parts awesome and completely worthless.  I just don't have the ambition or want to break into the scene again.  I think it's great and valuable for people who want to do it… but that's just it.

I don't feel like doing it anymore.  I don't feel like doing shows at 11:30pm on a Saturday night for an audience of ten random people.  I don't feel like that's making me a better performer and I don't think it's the most productive use of my time.  I don't feel like going to an improv class right now.  I have taken and taught so many classes and performed in and watched so many shows that I am NUMB.  Every cheap joke, dropped piece of object work, scene where two people are standing on stage just talking at each other, missed ending… ugh, I just can't get past them.   I don't feel like watching people improvise anymore.  I have fun performing, and I love getting me some laughs, but I'm just at a point in my career where I'm happy with the amount of performing I did and I'm ready to take a hiatus from doing it professionally.  I'm happy with random shows every now and then, but I don't pine for it so much that I'm going to spend money to pursue it as a career goal.

Once I decided that, I felt GREAT.  I don't need to do improv anymore!  But if I don't do improv, then who am I?  For ten years, improv comedy has been my livelihood.  It's been part of my identity.  Without it, what am I?  How do I define my career?  What do I say that I do?  Am I just a funny Talent Coordinator at an advertising agency now?

And without improv, how will I get where I want to be in life?  How will I become successful?

I don't know that answer, but I do know this: there is more than one path.  

There is more than one job.  

There is more than one way to define your career. 

A lot of Groundlings and Second City performers have been hired at SNL… but some people were cast in other ways.  Some television writers have improv backgrounds, some don't.  Some people take the highway and get there quicker, but MOST people have to take the back roads and make some wrong turns and make pit stops along the way.

I don't feel that my decision to not take classes (right now) means that I'm not doing anything worthwhile in Los Angeles, or that I'm not doing anything for my career.  Some people have literally said that to me and I just want to punch them in their face/balls.  I'm living my god damn life, that's what I'm doing!  Get off my D!  I don't feel that I'm not successful and I don't feel that I'm giving up on my career.  I have a thousand career goals and they don't all have to do with improv!  There are other ways for me to do comedy.

You can do whatever you want to do and there are a lot of paths you can take to achieve your goals. And one person's vision of success isn't the same / doesn't have to be the same as yours.  If someone views constant performing, writing movies or acting in commercials and TV shows "making it" - then that doesn't have to be what "making it" means for you.

Make it however you want to make it.  Be it microwave… or oven… or fast food window.

The 5 Stages of Quitting Your Job

 

{this was the kind of professionalism that went on at my work.}

I’m leaving my job at the end of the week and since giving my notice, I have felt a whirlwind of emotions. I mean, honestly. It has been nuts. I've laughed, cried, squealed with glee, had panic attacks, nightmares, etc. For some perspective, I got this job out of college. Like, days after graduation. I had no idea what I was doing or what my goals were in life. And now, four years later, I'm leaving a place that has treated me well and there is no bad blood whatsoever. Here is the range of emotions I felt:

When I came to the decision, I felt excited! Yes! This was right! I had to do it, I had no choice, it was time to go and pursue my LIFE! 

Then… I gave my notice. And I felt sad. Like a DUMB idiot. I felt guilty for ditching my boss, who is wonderful and works really hard and could use the help. As I walked around and told everyone, I felt terrible and I regretted it. There were so many people I loved! Why was I leaving? What was I doing? This was stupid. I left the building and cried more in the sunshine.

Finally, relief came. Oh man! Sweet, sweet relief. I wouldn’t have to wake up and go to a day job and sit at a desk all day? I wouldn’t have to be everyone’s bitch? I wouldn’t have to greet another guest, coordinate any more travel or deal with people’s dumb questions? I would be able to sleep a little better. I’d be able to get more stuff done during the day. I could see movies during the day and maybe, just maybe, not have bags under my eyes.

Slowly, but surely, anxiety washed over. How was I going to make money? Who was going to take my place? How do I get everything together to train them? What if we don’t find the right person, or they don’t get hired in time and I can’t train them? What was I going to do about health insurance? HOW WAS I GOING TO BUY ALL THOSE WEDGES I WANT?!?!

Finally, I’ve settled on excitement. Or, nervcitement. I’m nervous to leave behind something stable and that treated me so well and that I actually enjoyed (for the most part)… but I’m also excited to tackle something new. The thought of having a little bit of time to myself and being my own boss is an incredibly exciting thought. I have my whole life to work a full-time day job… so, things are good.

Friday at 12pm is the first day of the REST OF MY LIFE!!!

{falls into canyon.... dies.}

Creepy Work Parties

Last night was my company holiday party.

We had a "black and bling" theme and everyone looked awesome.

But the thing with my company is,

everyone's inappropriate and creepy.

Here are pictures!

{The Matts singing karaoke. They're all named Matt.}

{Roberto made someone feel uncomfortable, yet again.}

{the SMG team, just a bunch of creeps.}

{Kyle dressed up like a pimp & called me a ho.}

{newly married Lisa got fresh with Roberto.}

{And Rachel dressed up like a baby prostitute.}

Thanksgiving Eve

I was going to blog about Harry Potter today. But then I realized, I get far too emotional about it... and nobody wants to listen to me talk about it. So, just see the 7th movie if you're interested in Harry Potter. It's a really good one. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll be left in suspense!

So, instead, I bring you a picture of the fake nails I was rocking all day at work. They were chrome and zebra. So, I was called Chrome Zebra. They are applied by Rachel, who did a horribly offensive impression of a manicurist that I can't even quote her. They got mixed reviews, but mostly people were disgusted by them. Especially when one of them got stuck in my hair in a meeting.

What can I say? I'm from Everett. Also, I love my company.

Tomorrow I'm going to be posting like... all day. Tons of things I'm thankful for! So... put your THANKS up.

Safe Television

At work, we have a TV in the lobby. We used to keep it on VH1 and MTV all the time - but it was dumb. All of that stuff is dumb. Those stupid afternoon dating shows are terrible. So then we made a slideshow of our work. And again, that was boring. It just flipped through work we've done and I've had guests and visitors comment on how boring it was all the time.
I switched to CNN... everyone in the office immediately fell asleep. Or felt sad about their lives because some neighborhood was burnt down by some Spanish drug dealer. Wait, was that "Weeds"? I can't tell the difference these days.

So, I put it on whatever channel "Ellen" is on... ABC? Well, later in the day ABC turns into soap operas... which is basically softcore porn.

I put it on BET (jokingly) and "Sister, Sister" was on. It was all safe and fun until another show came on and people were ripping each other's clothes off and exploring each other's bodies! And it wasn't even Roger and Tamera!

Then I put it on TLC. What's not safe about The Learning Channel? A channel meant for education and learning! Like how to say yes to a dress and what not to wear... but then, oh I forgot about this... the birth stories. I turned around at one point, and saw a baby crawling out of someone's vagina. No, thank you.

I switched to ABC Family. Co-workers, visitors and guests - you're going to have to deal with "What I Like About You" playing on loop. Except this morning, when I realized the 700 Club plays during the day - pushing religion on to all of us.

So now I'm trying to see how Nickelodean is going to find a way to make Dora the Explorer NSFW. She  better not have sex with that back pack. Actually... that might make my day more interesting.

A Sour Patch Day

 That's me and Kirsten playing Sour Patch Kid games.

Today at work I got really mad. Like, really really mad. I went into the supply room to recycle a box. Then I kicked the recyling bin and punched the box... and I hurt both my toe and my finger at the same time.

Why? 

Because I was done with it. I thought, "I'm going to leave and never come back!"

Then I walked out of work. And I breathed in some air, and I imagined running into my friend who lives around the corner and having him say, "How was work?" and I would say,

"Oh, it was terrible. Just awful. First, I had to do all this conference room re-arranging, and put dishes away because people left them piled in the sink and then I had to BREAK DOWN A BOX! Can you believe it? I had to take my scissors and cut through tape so that I could break down that box. And then, I opened up a YouTube video that the IT guy sent me to watch and it crashed my computer. Crashed it! And when I turned it back on - all of a sudden my mouse and keyboard wouldn't work so I had to keep re-starting it and..."

Catch my drift?

After walking out of that building literally none of it mattered. At all. And it sounded really stupid and silly even reciting it in my head. So then I forgot about it and moved on to the next dumb thought in my head like how it's legal for local convenience stores in my neighborhood to buy Sour Patch Kids in bulk, pour them into a container and re-sell them.

I'm not kidding.

ANYWAYS. THE POINT IS! Get mad then get over it. Or something. Think less about things that are stupid and more about Sour Patch Kids.

And! Play with font sizes.

Killer Tofu.

I've recently taken on odd jobs at my work. A little copy writing here and there. Some event planning. Some video stuff. It's pretty cool - considering the only real reason I am probably offered these things is because people like my funny, passive aggresive emails. They trust me enough that I won't embarass them in front of a client.

In a brainstorm meeting for tofu, one of the team members brought up something she had seen to the client. A shirt that said, "The Beets - Tofu Tour" she thought it was really cool that some band had a tour named after tofu.

I was embarassed for knowing what it meant - but I said it anyway...

"That's from the cartoon, Doug. The Beets was his favorite band and Killer Tofu was their big hit."

You can put the girl in a grown-up job,

 but you can't make her a grown-up!