On Career Goals and Making It

When you spend a huge chunk of your adult life performing comedy and then you move to Los Angeles, it makes sense that the two would go hand in hand.  So, it makes sense that people are always asking me "Are you doing any shows?" or "Where are you performing these days?" or "Where are your taking classes?"  But despite it making sense, I'm still getting more and more bothered by it.

My time performing did inspire my move to Los Angeles, but it's not the only reason.  And whenever my answers are: "Not really" or "Once at iO and this other show in a strip mall next to a Von's" or "I'm not taking classes" - I get looks of disappointment, or advice on what I should be doing or the dreaded "It'll get better once you start performing more!"

My love of performing and writing pushed me to move to Los Angeles.  I thought about moving a lot, but I wasn't really sure where I wanted to move.  There was Chicago to study improv at Second City, or New York for UCB and there was Los Angeles for Groundlings or UCB.  In the end, I decided on Los Angeles because I could train at whatever improv school I wanted to and I felt that there would be more writing opportunities in television which was the end goal I saw for myself.

In my mind, there was no other option.  It was comedy or bust!  When you spend so much of your life focusing on comedy and performing, there is nothing else.  There is really only one path to take and there are only a handful of jobs to go after.  It just so happens that basically everyone in the comedy world - thousands of people - are literally going for those same jobs.

Needless to say, this past year has been slightly overwhelming and eye-opening.

The first road block I hit was money. I don't have the funds to take improv classes.  They range from $400-600 for one course.  It seemed outrageous to me - and it still does.  I have so much to pay for and paying that much for a skill that I already had just seemed crazy.  It's not that I think I can't grow or get any better, I know that I can, but I can't justify spending the money on something I have already spent so much time and money on.

The next road block for me was the overwhelming scene.  I love improv and I think I'm pretty good at it.  It's something that I get and feel comfortable doing.  But there are hardly any jobs in improv.  Well, you can teach it.  And you can be on Whose Line Is It Anyway? but it's hard to make a career out of unless you're Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles.  There are ways to find a job, but they're rare and either don't pay that well or they're used as stepping stones to a bigger thing.  Like SNL for example, or acting or television writing or basically ANYTHING ELSE in the entertainment industry.  You make those connections and you break into that scene by taking classes and performing at well-known theaters.  And that's awesome.  The improv community is huge and it's great.  But it's the first part that I can't get past… it's HUGE.  Overwhelmingly huge.  A part of me wishes I moved out here when I was younger and had less improv experience because moving out here with a resume full of improv credits is equal parts awesome and completely worthless.  I just don't have the ambition or want to break into the scene again.  I think it's great and valuable for people who want to do it… but that's just it.

I don't feel like doing it anymore.  I don't feel like doing shows at 11:30pm on a Saturday night for an audience of ten random people.  I don't feel like that's making me a better performer and I don't think it's the most productive use of my time.  I don't feel like going to an improv class right now.  I have taken and taught so many classes and performed in and watched so many shows that I am NUMB.  Every cheap joke, dropped piece of object work, scene where two people are standing on stage just talking at each other, missed ending… ugh, I just can't get past them.   I don't feel like watching people improvise anymore.  I have fun performing, and I love getting me some laughs, but I'm just at a point in my career where I'm happy with the amount of performing I did and I'm ready to take a hiatus from doing it professionally.  I'm happy with random shows every now and then, but I don't pine for it so much that I'm going to spend money to pursue it as a career goal.

Once I decided that, I felt GREAT.  I don't need to do improv anymore!  But if I don't do improv, then who am I?  For ten years, improv comedy has been my livelihood.  It's been part of my identity.  Without it, what am I?  How do I define my career?  What do I say that I do?  Am I just a funny Talent Coordinator at an advertising agency now?

And without improv, how will I get where I want to be in life?  How will I become successful?

I don't know that answer, but I do know this: there is more than one path.  

There is more than one job.  

There is more than one way to define your career. 

A lot of Groundlings and Second City performers have been hired at SNL… but some people were cast in other ways.  Some television writers have improv backgrounds, some don't.  Some people take the highway and get there quicker, but MOST people have to take the back roads and make some wrong turns and make pit stops along the way.

I don't feel that my decision to not take classes (right now) means that I'm not doing anything worthwhile in Los Angeles, or that I'm not doing anything for my career.  Some people have literally said that to me and I just want to punch them in their face/balls.  I'm living my god damn life, that's what I'm doing!  Get off my D!  I don't feel that I'm not successful and I don't feel that I'm giving up on my career.  I have a thousand career goals and they don't all have to do with improv!  There are other ways for me to do comedy.

You can do whatever you want to do and there are a lot of paths you can take to achieve your goals. And one person's vision of success isn't the same / doesn't have to be the same as yours.  If someone views constant performing, writing movies or acting in commercials and TV shows "making it" - then that doesn't have to be what "making it" means for you.

Make it however you want to make it.  Be it microwave… or oven… or fast food window.

Awkward Compliment: Year 5

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ll know that I performed with an improv group called Awkward Compliment.  It started in 2008 and has now been around for six years, which is nuts.  Today is the five-year anniversary of our weekly show and I am blown away. 

The show still goes on (with two of the original members running it and a bunch of people joining them every week).  I got the chance to do it earlier this month when I went home to visit and even though I had to stop doing the weekly shows when I got on the mainstage at IA, it’s still one of my favorite shows to do.  Because it’s ours.  We run it.  We show up and the theater knows us and lets us in for free and gives us a free beer and lets us do whatever the F we want down in that small basement theater. 

Four of us live in Los Angeles now and three still live in Boston (the ones in the picture above!) but I’m glad that we’re all still pretty close friends.  We still talk in a group text that’s been going on for years.  We still make it a priority to see each other when we’re home.  It’s the one group of people where I actually believe we’ll always pick up where we left off.  We’re a family.  They're my brothers. 

Damn.  Five years.  Thursday nights used to be my absolute favorite nights.  I’d go to work and get excited all day that I had AC that night.  I’d go home, get ready and DiBello would pick me up (blasting the song “Ignition”) and then we’d drive over to Somerville.  We’d set up for the show, sell tickets, do our show and then hang out for hours at Mike’s across the street while drinking giant beers and eating jalapeno poppers.  When I went home in the beginning of May, it was really awesome to just go back and do that again!  Five years of the same great Thursday night.   

Five years of the greatest friends, the weirdest shows, the stupidest bits and a lot of alcohol.  In fact, Awkward Compliment is one of my favorite results of taking improv classes and pursuing comedy.  I performed professionally - for huge audiences and large corporations and universities - but some of those AC shows were the best shows of my life.  Even if we were performing for five people, we had the most fun.  There were some fights, resentment, anger, bitterness, weirdness, EVERYTHING. But that comes with the territory of performing with your friends.  That group of guys is still my favorite group to hang out with.  We've always had each other's backs and we still do.  

Now it's time to get all of their names tattooed on my lower back!   

Damn.  I love improv.  And I love these guys.  Long live AC! 

Rad Gal, Rad Gig!

I shared a little story about how my life as an improv comedian on Kaelah's blog, The Clueless Girl's Guide and it was published today as part of her "Rad Gal, Rad Gig" series.  If you'd like to check it out, please do!  And if you don't read her blog yet, I highly encourage it.  She's wonderful.

I've been reading her blog for a long time and as soon as I saw the first post in the series, I jumped at the chance to get involved.  Of course because I want to share my story - but also because I think it would be awesome for more women to get involved in comedy.  I also want people to realize it's more attainable than they think.  There are improv groups and theaters everywhere these days!  Anyways, I wrote it my first week in L.A. and it was just the perfect time.  I got to reflect on my past that I had just left behind while simultaneously pumping myself up for what's to come - whatever it may be.

To all the people who got here by viewing Kaelah's blog post, hello!  And thank you for coming by!  I promise you will sometimes be disappointed.

Now, how creepy do Cavan and I look with our faces joined together?  Real creepy!  You know what's funny?  Richie, the photographer who took the pictures, didn't have to do anything to our teeth.  They really look that similar.  A couple of tooth buddies.

Our Two Minute Show

I guess it's about time to start promoting stuff I'm doing in California.  That's the most fun part about being a comedian, you get to make stuff and then promote it!  Promoting is awesome and not obnoxious and awkward whatsoever!  It's so cool to be like, "Hey! Like my page! Validate what I do!"

Yet, here I am.  Telling you guys that for the past month or so, I've been working on a web show with my friends.  It's called "Our Two Minute Show" and you can view (and like!) the page on Facebook here, if you're so inclined.  It's literally two minutes long (and some change) so it's not too much of a time commitment... and it's pretty stupid and funny.  I'm a fan of it.  My friend Matt is the host and Beau, Casey and I are writers who have bit parts on the show.  Sort of like a late night show wrapped up in a cute, little two minute package. 

If you'd like to watch, here's the link to the YouTube channel.  New episodes are released every Tuesday evening at 5pm EST.  (That's something I have to say now that I live on the west coast.) 

So, that's that.  If you have any questions, I'll be right here... patiently waiting for your questions. 

The Big Finale!

Saturday was my last night doing mainstage shows!  (That's my whole cast up there.  Including Tony, Evan - who took the picture, Jeremy - the director and Jim - the musical director.) 

It's hard to sum the night up.  It's even harder to sum up my time at the theater!  I've worked there for nine years.  I've been performing there for five years.  And I've been on the mainstage for two and a half years.  I grew up there.  The major moments of my lifetime happened there.  Most of my best friends were made there.  ALL of my romantic relationships were formed there.  It's been a huge part of my adult life!  The BIGGEST part of my adult life!  I quit a full-time job for it.  I dedicated my life to it.  I put it FIRST before everything - a social life, family events, relationships... it has just been my identity for so long.  It's very hard to say goodbye.  

But I'm not.  It'll always be here and it'll always be home.  In fact, coming back to visit Boston means going back to IA.  I'll be visiting my family - and squeezing in a show or two at IA, I'm sure.  It'll always be a family to me!  

My last night was everything I could have dreamed it would be.  I honestly had few expectations for the night.  I knew that it'd be awesome and great and fun!  I put together a fun line-up for the show and knew the actual show would be something I was proud to leave on.  But, so many people showed up!  Even close friends from outside the theater (friends from home and from my old job) showed up to show support.  A bunch of my students showed up, and one group of them even wore fake glasses!  It was a truly touching event.  

There's no feeling like it and there never will be.  Ending a show hugging your entire cast to standing ovations and then telling a theater full of people how much you love them (and hearing how much they love you - which is sometimes real nice to know) was just an amazing experience.  I can't think of any other job that would give me that experience.  Leaving AMP was sad, but it wasn't my livelihood.  I loved the people but I wasn't leaving behind such a big, important part of my life and all the people that go with it.  

At the end of the night, I lied in my bed and cried my eyes out.  If you've ever seen the end of the movie Kill Bill 2, then you'll know the scene where Uma Thurman was crying on the bathroom floor because she was so happy.  That's how I felt.  I was crying so hard because I couldn't believe how lucky I was.  I couldn't believe that I had accomplished everything I wanted to and managed to leave behind a legacy and that the people I cared about, and the job I cared about, cared just as much about me.  It was overwhelmingly sad and happy at the same time!  

And now... now I'm ready to move on!  All last week I was sad about leaving and regretting my decision.  But now I don't.  Now I know that it's time to go and that it's the perfect time to go.  I've got more goals to accomplish and cry over leaving behind!  But I'm bringing my Muppet with me!  That's for damn sure.  

Women Doing Comedy

 

"Comedy is very controlling - you are making people laugh.  You feel completely in control when you hear a wave of laughter coming back at you that you have caused." - Gilda Radner.

Somehow, people - usually older, irrelevant male comedians - are still commenting in the media that women aren’t funny.  It bugs me.  Not just because women ARE funny.  But also because there is actually a reason there is less of a female presence in the comedy world and it has nothing to do with sense of humor. 

It's literally because there are less women actively trying to pursue comedy. 

Every few weeks, I help run auditions for the comedy theater where I perform.  I'm the only female out of four on the "panel."  And out of 60+ people auditioning, roughly ten of them are women.  And roughly four to five of those ten women are any good. 

Yes, that’s right, some women aren't funny just like some men aren't funny! 

We're not going to take all ten women just to balance out the ratio.  If there needs to be a team of all men, then so be it.  If those men were the hands down funniest improvisers in the room, then they deserve it.  Personally, I would never want to take a job because I was filling some sort of quota.  I'd want a job because I deserved it and was funny or talented enough to get it.  It's not that women aren't funny, it's just that there are less of them putting themselves out there and making the jokes.

Honestly, I understand why there are less women pursuing comedy.  It has been my experience that women, by nature, aren't the type to throw themselves in the face of rejection.  And comedy is the ultimate rejection!  There is no hiding!  When you send in a resume, you might not get an interview.  When you go on an interview, you might not get the job.  When you give someone your number, they might not call.  And even when you try out for a role, you might not get the part.

But when you go up on stage and you make a joke, you know in that second how people feel about you in that room.  If they didn't laugh, they’re not on your side.  If they did, you're on your way to having them in the palm of your hand.  There's no guarantee what you do will be funny or well-received and women, typically more so than men, tend to shy away from those odds. Why on EARTH would people put themselves in such a vulnerable position and open themselves up for criticism?

Men seem to have an easier time with failure and rejection, where women tend to “get in their heads” a little bit more.  When they go out on stage and deliver a bad joke, or they don’t have the best improv set, they tend to dwell on it a little bit longer and harder than their male counterparts.  They wonder what they did wrong or why it didn't work or what they could have done better.  I've seen women apologize - on stage and off - and physically fold into themselves when something doesn't hit.  Some women have even immediately thrown themselves under the bus and stated they weren't funny or deliver some other cruel, self-deprecating joke.  It doesn't matter who you are - male or female - but apologizing or being mean to yourself gives up all your credibility. 

Personally, I always feel the need to apologize when I do something "shitty" to a scene partner.   I walk away from bad sets a little angrier than my male cast mates.  I take way more things to heart and lose my sense of self when I fail on stage.  But... my only option is to keep doing it and move on to the next one.  I have a difficult time letting bad jokes, scenes and shows roll off my shoulders... but eventually I do, because I have to get right back up there the next night.  And in those shows that follow, I aim to do better and prove to myself - and everyone else around me - that I’m perfectly capable of doing it.

And, ultimately, that’s what makes women damn good at comedy. I believe that women are inherently motivated, strong and empowered individuals who might get a tad bit more personally let down by failure - but they don't let it take them down.  They just keep going.

In all fairness, I have seen plenty of men who take failure to heart as well.  And I've seen plenty of women who don't!  It's not gender specific.  Rejection and failure have a tendency of dragging us all down at some point.  But, from what I’ve noticed in my eight years of comedy and twenty seven years of being a woman, women typically like being in control at all times. (Think of all the times you have, or a female friend has, got drunk and felt awful and guilty about the texts that were sent or the things that were done.  Then think of all the times you have, or a male friend has, felt that way.)  Men have an easier time looking like an idiot, and society is way less hard on them for it.

Women are funny.  Men are funny.  There's no debate.  Success in comedy doesn't rely on one's gender.  Men fail in comedy just as much as women. Success doesn’t even solely rely on talent.  There are plenty of genuinely funny men who have zero stage presence.

Comedy relies on the ability to get up, fail, brush yourself off and then try again.  It's about having a sense of humor.  It's about confidence.  But most importantly, it's about resilience.  Being a man, or a woman, doesn’t help you succeed.  Being a resilient human being does.

And if all that doesn't work, just drop an F bomb... like three times in a row.

Ode to 30 Rock.

I have been a Tina Fey fan for quite some time.  Obviously. I remember the first time I laid eyes on her... and yeah, that was supposed to sound that creepy.  Because it was creepy.  It remains to be creepy.  It was the first time I was awed by a woman.  Literally awed.  She was so funny and had such great joke delivery and she worked so well with a handsome-ass Jimmy Fallon.  Then I found out exactly what her role was on the show and all the sketches she was responsible for and her history with comedy, and it all made sense.  She was, and forever will be, my favorite comedian/writer/producer/EVERY WOMAN.  (No offense, Oprah.)

Have I mentioned we share a birthday?  Well, we do. 

Needless to say, I was parked in front of my TV when "30 Rock" aired.  Immediately, I couldn't believe how fast and well-written it was.  I was ASTOUNDED by the jokes per minute on that show.  The stupid, awesome jokes!  Per minute!  But what I loved most of all was the fact that it was honest and based on real life (kind of) and it really drove the whole "write what you know" idea into my head.  It was sweet, ensemble-based and fucking hilarious.  I mean, remember when Tracy was waiting for Jack outside and he saw a pigeon eating a french fry on a trash can and he said, "Stop eating people's old french fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don't you know you can fly?!" or Kenneth talking to Moonvest over at CBS and he shouted, "GIMME YA FINGERNAILS!" And Jack doing the therapy session for Tracy and playing all of his family members?  AND KENNETH AS A MUPPET ON HD CAMERAS. 

I remember having a conversation with someone one time about how it's so unrealistic and Tina Fey is gorgeous and trying to pretend she's some hideous woman that nobody could ever love.  I totally disagree.  First of all, it wasn't Tina Fey, it was Liz Lemon.  And Liz Lemon was actually a pretty disgusting person.   Let's face it, she shotguns whole pizzas, sleep-ate cigarettes and had several positive pregnancy tests because she was binge eating off-brand Cheetos called "Sabor de Soledad."   They didn't say she was ugly, she got the most handsome men - JON HAMM, in particular.  JON HAMM.  She was flawed, totally flawed, and I applaud Tina Fey for playing that character for so many years.  That very smart, talented, hard-working... and maybe a little bit unattractive (based on life choices) character.

And she wasn't the only great character, literally every character worked.  It was the perfect ensemble and everybody was different.  Somehow, it just worked. 

I'm glad the show had so many seasons, even when the ratings weren't great.  And even though they didn't get a FULL final season, I'm glad they were given one at all!  Because that last episode was really great and sweet and tied everything together beautifully.  And the best part of all was that even when it got sentimental and sad, they made sure to keep it funny - by having the tender moments happen in a strip club... or while Tracy and Jenna were both dressed as Hitler.  

I legitimately felt sad watching the final episode.  And happy.  Tears of happiness and sadness.  And then I ate a bunch of french fries, because you know what?  That's what Liz Lemon would do... and if you have a problem with that, I'll cut your face up so bad you'll have a chin.  YOU'LL ALL HAVE CHINS!

THAT'S A SERIES WRAP FOR LEO SPACEMAN. 

P.s. Tina Fey and I have the same birthday. 

Collecting Inspiration.

 

I'm turning 27 this year and for whatever reason, I can't stop thinking about it.  It seems like such a big age.  I know it's not... but it's closer to 30 than I ever planned on being.  Seriously.  I was expecting to go out at 26 with these creaking bones. 

I work a whole lot and I'm making money doing something that I love, and that's awesome.  But, as I get older, I'm starting to think of "What's next?" and I have all these images of desks and day jobs and unsatisfying career choices in my head.  And I hope that doesn't happen.  I really hope I can continue to work in comedy, in whatever capacity.  It's the only thing I'm passionate about... and the only thing that gets me going.  (Sexually.)  (Just kidding.) 

Dick van Dyke won the Lifetime Achievement Award at the SAG Awards the other night and there was something that he said in his speech that made me so happy:


"The years have been full of surprises for me and a lot of fun. Aren't we lucky to have found a line of work that doesn't require growing up?"

I do, DvD, I do!  I feel lucky that somehow I stumbled upon this line of work!  And didn't stop trying, even when it got embarassingly hard.  I sort of refuse to let those horrific images in my brain of a deeply unsatisfying life become real-life.  And I sort of refuse to grow up.  I'm going to do comedy all day on a Saturday and drink until 3am and stay in bed all Sunday for as long as I live! Even if it kills me... before I'm 30. 

Little Triumphs

Today, I want to celebrate something really dumb.

I wrote a silent sketch for the next mainstage show that we're currently putting together.  It requires the use of a great song from The Beach Boys, but not the entire song.  So, it had to be edited down and cut up a little bit.  My director, Bryan, said he'd do it for me once I hammered out all the right spots to cut it up. 

But, I was working on it tonight... and I'm very impatient... I don't like waiting... so I taught myself how to use Garage Band and edit the file myself.  I don't know things like that.  The concept is all new to me.  So, I watched a YouTube video that showed me how to do fun things and edit audio files and I did it!  And it sounds good and just the way I want it!  It doesn't sound like an amateur did it at all! 

I told you, I'm celebrating something really dumb.  Garage Band is essentially made for dummies like me.  But there's something so exciting about not relying on other people and teaching yourself to do things on your own.  You'll increase your skill set by just diving in and doing it yourself.  Like, singing, rapping, dancing or making guacamole.

I really get excited over the tiniest of things.  But our little triumphs lead to bigger ones and pretty soon, I'll be P-Diddy!!! (Making my own vodka.)

Also, that picture, nothing to do with this post.  Except, she's always at my side when I'm writing or editing audio files.  That's something I can do now. (On a VERY basic level.)

Taran Killam + Us = Fun!

 So, last Friday... us dumb idiots at IA had an awesome audience member from a little show called "Saturday Night Live" named Taran Killam.  Right before we went on, I saw him get seated and I had a little mixture of nerves and excitement going on.  It's always fun to have people in the comedy world come see us perform!  And by that I mean, I've never experienced it. 

Our show started and our opener had SO many technical difficulties.  But, we picked ourselves up and went on and had a really great show.  Taran seemed to think so too. When we met him afterwards, he was very sweet and said that we looked like fun people to sing karaoke with. And... so we did that.  After our 10pm show, we all went to Chinatown and ended up singing karaoke (with lyrics on a background of really terrible stock videos.)

Saturday night, he came down and performed the midnight show with us and again, it was a great show.  This is going to sound crazy... but I like when comedians are actually like, good performers.  He was great at improv.  Obviously... since he's a Groundling.  But, sometimes, I watch certain specials and I'm like, "Oh... okay.  Sure.  That was... good."

Of course it was awesome to hang out with Taran.  But what I really loved was the sense of comedy community.  Being in Boston, I feel sort of removed from the comedy centers of the universe.  We're not Chicago, New York or L.A.  There are a lot of comedians originally from Boston, of course, but IA itself isn't known as being one of the major players.  So, to have someone from SNL come down, hang out with us and feel comfortable being around us was cool. 

At the end of the day, we're all kind of the same.  We all pursued dreams of being comedians/performers and did it in our own way.  Taran has just gone like A LOT further than we have.  And by "A LOT" I mean like ALL THE WAY.  But, we were all doing bits and making jokes and wearing plaid and denim. It didn't feel like we were hanging out with a celebrity, it just felt like we were hanging out with another comedy friend.  Who just happens to be far more successful than we are... and maybe will ever be. 

Comedy!

WNBA.

Every Saturday morning, I direct a lovely group of improvisers... who happen to be all ladies. And they're very talented improvisers... who happen to be all ladies.  I know, women aren't funny... but we can still get together and have fun and pretend that we are, right? 

They had a show last Thursday at Awkward Compliment and it was SO great!  A little bubble of happiness grows inside me when I see people excel at something they love doing.  Some people get into improv to just have a good time, but lately I've been noticing a lot of people getting bit that bug.  They're suddenly realizing that it's not just a fun hobby, it's actually something they'd like to do for a long, long while.  I got bit by that bug!  It stung!  And now I'm seeing that spark in other people and it's really awesome to watch.

The group is called WNBA.  But they are not affiliated with the WNBA, just in case you were wondering.  They are probably not very good at basketball for obvious reasons (they're women.)  Alternate (joke) names were:  Estrogents, Hi, Men! and Once a Month.  Did I mention they're improvisers... who happen to be ladies? 

Last Saturday's rehearsal was so much fun!  So I took pictures.  The lighting was perfect and they all looked super cute for 11am on a Saturday morning.  Make sure to see one of their shows!  

I am Comedian.

EXT. CORNER OF CROSS AND SALEM STREET, NORTH END. - EVENING. 

PATTY is walking five steps ahead of MATT, TREVOR and EVAN.

PATTY

(singing to the tune of Proud to be an American)
... and I'm proud to be a comedian!

MATT, TREVOR AND EVAN

(loudly)

BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My cast mates are mean.

Oh, what's that? You want to know the rest of the song? Well, sure!

where at least I know I'm funny
And I won't forget Del Close who died
and taught me to play freeze!
And I won't do stand-up!
At Mottley's!
Just wanna "yes,and" every day!
Cause there ain't no doubt
I love tag outs...
and I often do them at IA!

What's that? I should switch careers? OK, see ya!

Sad and Sweet

I like comedians who seem like people I would like to hang out with. And people who seem genuine. Steve Martin is one of my favorites ever! He's a great writer, comedian, musician... and he's handsome. I like handsome older men. (Alec Baldwin, Ted Danson, Dick van Dyke.)

Here's a sad clip of him hosting SNL the day that Gilda Radner died. He's very sad. It makes me cry.

Cute.

Yesterday morning, my friend Mike gchatted me and reminded me of our old Live Journals we kept during our first year of college. I was immediately embarrassed, because I was just the worst. I mean, I'm not even kidding. I was the worst. But luckily, we both were terrible.

 I mean it... just terrible.

But, while going through it, I found a random one I wrote after finishing my first level of improv classes. Here's what it said:

I thought I loved improv before, but I did not know. I did not know anything about improv.. except that it was funny and I'd love to be able to do it. Now.. I love improv even more then I ever thought I would. Before, I wanted to make a career out of it.. just because it could possibly lead me to SNL.. and it'd be fun. Now, I absolutely love it. When I'm at improv.. I'm happy. Whether I'm fucking up.. or doing AWESOME.. I just feel so in my place. I don't think about outside shit. I just think about what's going on that moment. I used to think that it was what I wanted to do with my life for no apparent reason then it was funny and looked fun. Now I want to make a career out of it because I am GENUINELY happy doing it. Whether I just work at the Asylum.. or in some other improv troupe.. and not ever make it to SNL (which yes, I obviously still want) but as long as I'm doing something like this for the rest of my life, I'll be happy.

 Oh... cute. How cute. The best part was... this was seven years ago. And somehow, I'm doing that. Working at the Asylum and with another group. I know I worked really hard, but it seemingly feels like no work at all. Probably because I enjoyed my time along the way. So, I might be the laziest person I know, career-wise. But at least I accomplish my little dreams while doing it!

I can't wait until he gchats me in another seven years and says, "I just found our blogs" and I read this entry and say, "Oh god! We were the worst!" Except his blog at least has a focus on hockey, while mine has a focus on me.

Gilda.

I keep having this "Who am I?" feeling {ala Zoolander!} Like, I've reached a certain point where I'm really interested in working on my character and who I am as a person and I don't want what I do to represent me but rather the kind of person I am. If that makes sense.

I was re-reading "Live from New York" last week and read this bit of conversation from Steve Martin about Gilda Radner:

"I know she had trials and tribulations, but knowing her, it was never expressed. It was just joy and happiness and funniness and comedy."

That's just wonderful, huh? I want to be like that. {I have a lot of work to do to be like that!}

Talented Friends!

My friends Matt and Richie shot a webseries last week called “ETC: Employment Through Craigslist." They started a Kickstarter campaign for it in October and met their goal (and then some!) I was super excited that they asked me to be a part of it… because I think they’re incredibly talented, handsome, funny and all-around terrible guys.

I had a fun day shooting with them – it was their final day of shooting and they were still upbeat and energetic (even though they had been shooting non-stop all week.) I had a wonderful time. Especially when we all went on a field trip to eat lunch from Chicken Now in the food court of the Cambridgeside Galleria Mall.

They'll be posting the episodes on this website, etcwebseries.com, in the New Year. So make sure to take a look! The episode I shot was hilarious (honestly, I very rarely read a script and laugh out loud, but I did with this one. Several times.) So, I have no doubt the other episodes are just as hilarious.

Y'All ready for Rich?

The Dirty Forks

My friend Mat is filming a show and last week, he had Mary, Kelly and Shalyn play a girl band. I tagged along as their band manager slash I wanted to see them pretend to play instruments and look all punk rock. It was awesome. Our friend Wack has a studio in his apartment with drums, and these ladies went to town. They were absolutely hilarious and I can't wait to see the result!

Some of their alternative band names were: The Dirty Forks, Torn ACL, The Dirty Sluts, Ketchup on Tap, Slow Gas Leak and my personal favorite, The Pork Swords.

Los Angeles.

Last week, I went to Los Angeles to hang out with those two idiots. I had a lot of fun. I hadn't seen them in a couple of months and I have been missing them a lot lately. And I had never been to L.A. It was supposed to be a surprise... but... I'm an over-anxious crazy person. And I ruined it. But, it was nice to hang out with each other and just do bits like old times. 

The trip actually put a lot of things in perspective for me. 

1. There's a huge world. A world much bigger than the small circle, or improv scene, in Boston. Some days I go home with a "this is the end of the world" feeling... and that's dumb. Because it's not.

2. That being said, I'm extremely lucky. I get to hang out with/perform with some of the most TALENTED people ever. And Awkward Compliment is one of the best things that ever happened to me. They're such a great group of guys. As gross as it sounds, I feel like I've made friends for liiiife.

3. I need to get a coffee maker and not spend so much buying coffee. (That's... a very small thing.)

4. Great things can happen if you just work really hard and make them happen. I have to stop being lazy and not do things because I'm afraid... like a DUMMY.

Anyways, I'm back. And I'm excited about my life here. And my life wherever I go next. Things are going pretty good for Old Ironsides. (That's me. Also, it's a ship.)

this honky grandma be busy.

Gosh darn, I've been so busy! I just want to reflect on some pretty awesome things.

A few weeks ago, I did the Awkward Compliment show and I really can't explain what it was. But the show was just the best. The whole time we were knocking it out of the park. We had a packed house. People were really on our side, we had each other's backs and afterwards we kind of all had this moment of, "Did we just do that?" We all felt like we had the best show ever. And I've done several hundred shows at this point and it was certainly in my top 5.

Then, we had our Halloween show on Monday night. And god damnit, I can't explain that either! It was just awesome. We over-sold and then had to turn some people away. And from top to bottom, the show was just great. Again, we had each other's backs, the crowd was awesome, we got along, we were positive, we were excited... and it was probably the best show I've ever been a part of!

Plus, Leather Gang is doing a new structure that has been THE MOST FUN. It has put some fire back into that little almost three-year-old group.

All of this, in just a month. It's nice to be reminded of why you just love what you do so much. And all the business and hard work is absolutely worth it. And when it gets to be too much, you take a day off and stay in bed all day and watch "Airplane." Or go visit your friends in Los Angeles :) (even though it was supposed to be a surprise but I'm bad at that.)

Look at that picture above! It's for the haunted house we (and by we I mean Matt and Vic Yambao) created for after the show. That was the most terrifying part of it. We even had a (fake) dead body hanging outside in the back stairwell! Such a fun time.

"What if..."

I wonder, how many times in our lives do we say, "What if?" or "Man, that'd be awesome if that could happen!" I bet we say it a shitload of times. A SHITLOAD. And I wonder how many times we've said that and how many times we've ever actually tried to make it happen.

I'm inspired lately by my friends who are making things happen. For one, my friend Kirsten is creating a full-length album! She raised her goal of $5,000 and then some! And my friends Richie and Matt are currently raising money for a web series they want to produce. {Donate! To both! Everyone is talented!}  So, I thought about what's going on in my life that I can make happen. And there are a lot of things that I don't do because, frankly, I'm afraid.

Like start that style blog with Cavan. And write that spec script I have outlined. Or that sitcom pilot. Or that book. Or another play. Or direct an improv group. Or... the list is endless. Literally. It's on a scroll.

I don't know. Let's get out there and do something, everyone.

P.s. I had a show with Awkward Compliment last night that was one of the best I've ever been a part of. We were all on a high after that show. Sometimes, you just need little reminders that you have the best job in the world.

Happy weekend!

Photo from Photoboother. My new favorite site.