28.

I turned 28 years old on Sunday. And I celebrated it by having adult acne.  Seriously - what is up with that pimple?  I also spent it at Disneyland, because that’s what 28 year olds do.  In fact, I didn’t even celebrate it by getting drunk like I would have, I don't know -  every other year for the past seven years.  I just went to the beach, cooked a chicken, watched a movie and then woke up the next day and went to do Disney, and you know what?  It was delightful.  I was also still pretty sick, so it was just what I needed. 

I like turning a new age, because reflecting is something I thoroughly enjoy and do pretty well.  I LOVE over-thinking and being emotional and nostalgic – ugh, I could do it every day!  So that’s why I DO!!! 

27 was a pretty good year.  In terms of age, it’s pretty insignificant, right?  It’s not quite mid-twenties and it’s not quite almost-30.  It’s just an age that you say and people go, “Oh, ok.”  It’s an OK age, but not one that I was ever excited about being, it was just an age where I sat for a year while waiting to be 28, when I could just be two years away from 30.  

But at the very least it was a monumental year.  It was the year that I moved to California!  Did I mention that I did that this year?  It was the year that I really jumped into a serious relationship.  It was the year that I made decisions about my future and moving forward with my life.  It was a hard, sad and exciting year – actually.  There were a lot of trying times and decisions that weren't easy to make.  It was the year I said goodbye to my beloved Boston and you know what’s the weirdest thing?  I miss Boston more than most things (aka people).  I miss walking up and down Hanover Street.  I miss going to the bars that I knew bartenders at.  I miss sitting on the waterfront on warm nights and listening to the boats and sometimes accidentally catching people having sex.  I miss sitting on the porch or going shopping in Faneuil Hall during my lunch breaks.  I miss everything being in close proximity.  Los Angeles is just so damn huge!   

But I also learned a lot of valuable lessons (I think)… and I’m going to share them!

- Get your credit in order. Just do it. 

- Don’t drink all the white wine just because it’s an open bar or someone is buying you a ton of white wine.  You will throw up.  In your sleep.  On your nice, new show dress. 

- In fact, don’t eat zero food and then drink a lot in general – you WILL throw up.  In your sleep!! 

- If something is bothering you about your professional life, address it.  Don’t just sit around and complain.  Oddly enough, productive things can happen if you just say something.

- Shop the Trader Joe’s freezer aisle.  They have really good chicken dishes.

-  Cooking dinner at home is relaxing, fun and WAY LESS EXPENSIVE.

- Moving isn’t just moving – it’s building a home from scratch.  Factor that in when you’re moving across country.  I didn’t plan for that, for whatever reason.  I only thought about furniture and didn’t think about things like pots, pans, utensils, Brita pitchers, etc.

- Working from home saves gas and time – think about that next time you feel bad about it. 

- Don’t settle for a shitty job.  There will be something better out there.  Even if you have to take said shitty job until you find it.

-  Take a boat ride once a year.  They’re the most fun and relaxing.

- You only live once. (Y'know... YOLO.)  Spend time doing things that make you happy and stop giving a shit what people think.  That I'm still learning, of course, but just figured I'd throw it on there. 

Preparing for Old Womanhood

While flipping through this month's Glamour, I read an article on breast cancer.  Did you know everything increases your chance for breast cancer? Drinking, eating bad food, SIMPLY JUST BEING A WOMAN.  Man.

Lately, the idea of growing old has terrified me.  I have no issue with age, and I love growing up and all the fun (and terrible) stuff that comes with it.  But, I have bad bones now... and I think of what they're going to be like in ten, twenty, FIFTY years and I get really scared.  At this rate, I'll be in a wheelchair by the time I'm 40.

So, like any sane 26 year old... I'm starting to prepare.  How, you ask?  Here is my plan, feel free to prepare with me.  Want to have a Preparing For Old Age party?

Apparently, 5 hours a week of exercise (even just brisk walking) decreases your chance of a whole lot of things.  Breast cancer, other cancers, heart attacks, never finding love, etc.  I've been going jog walking every day (that's when mostly you walk but every now and then you jog, but hate it, so you go back to walking.) (Also, "every day" means like the past three days.)

Vitamins. Vitamin D for my terrible bones and a multi-vitamin for my terrible everything else.

I cut out soda (except on special occasions... like "going to the movies" or "having a weird day.")  Yes, even though diet soda has no calories or fat and just a shit ton of sodium... I just, I don't know, cut it out.  I should be drinking more water anyway.  And when you close your eyes really tight and drink it, it tastes a whole lot like... no, it still tastes like iced cold nothing.

I moisturize my face.  First, I wash it.  Then, I remove the raccoon eyes.  Then, I use toner stuff!  The stuff that burns and removes all the dirt from your pores and makes you feel gross!  Then, I moisturize my face and neck.  I'm steps away from purchasing fancy eye cream.  I laugh a lot... like when I'm having fun with my friends, which is something I love to do... so, I just don't want wrinkles for days.

I'm attempting a drinking fast.   I don't like beer that much.  But it's cheap(er).  So, I try to go the healthy route and drink white wine or vodka.  Then I black out.  And do stupid things.  (Like sprain my ankle or text people rude things.)  So, I guess the alternative is to give it up all together.  Or, moderation.  But let's face it... moderation is the worst.

I'm (working on) cutting out red meat.  But, the problem is... I love steak.  Fuck, I love steak.  Maybe it'll be one of those "every six months" type of things.  Or, every time my dog dies or something.  (I had a dog. He died.)

I don't know.  That's it.  Maybe I should do things like not plan and see what happens, but...  I'll never stop being afraid of being old.  Old Patty seems awful.  I want to be Young Patty, who moves like an old woman, forever!

At Peace

 This week has been... strange.  

It was literally good, bad and everything in between.  There was even an hour of time where I went from astoundingly elated to completely depressed to wanting to punch a wall to crying into a pillow and then happily singing in the shower.  That is not a dramatization... that HAPPENED.

I threw in the towel today.  I woke up feeling awful (thank you vodka sodas) and didn't get out of bed until I don't know... 3pm.  But, I just stopped giving a shit or feeling anxious or guilty.  So what I slept all day and re-watched "Parks and Recreation" season four for the SECOND time in a week!  My life is perfectly fine and I'm tired of stressing about dumb shit. The show must go on... quite literally.  Because I'm an actor.  And I'm stressing about the new show we're putting up... but it must go on.  And it'll be great!  It already was tonight and last night.

Other good things: 

1. "Clueless" "Mean Girls" and "A League of Their Own" are now on Netflix instant streaming.  THE BEST. 

2. Parks and Rec is coming back next week!  I know I mentioned watching Season 4 twice in a week, but god, that show is so funny. 

3. Fall is coming. There's a crisp in the air! I even got a hot coffee the other day. 

4. My shins are aching.  Stupid shins!  Wait... that's not good.

5. I spent a lot of time dancing this week (and also, weirdly, jogging.)  Dancing is my favorite, favorite thing ever.  I miss doing it regularly and I think I'm going to try doing it again.  Jogging is also helpful for sanity.  Especially when you witness seal shows while doing so.

Little Triumphs

Today, I want to celebrate something really dumb.

I wrote a silent sketch for the next mainstage show that we're currently putting together.  It requires the use of a great song from The Beach Boys, but not the entire song.  So, it had to be edited down and cut up a little bit.  My director, Bryan, said he'd do it for me once I hammered out all the right spots to cut it up. 

But, I was working on it tonight... and I'm very impatient... I don't like waiting... so I taught myself how to use Garage Band and edit the file myself.  I don't know things like that.  The concept is all new to me.  So, I watched a YouTube video that showed me how to do fun things and edit audio files and I did it!  And it sounds good and just the way I want it!  It doesn't sound like an amateur did it at all! 

I told you, I'm celebrating something really dumb.  Garage Band is essentially made for dummies like me.  But there's something so exciting about not relying on other people and teaching yourself to do things on your own.  You'll increase your skill set by just diving in and doing it yourself.  Like, singing, rapping, dancing or making guacamole.

I really get excited over the tiniest of things.  But our little triumphs lead to bigger ones and pretty soon, I'll be P-Diddy!!! (Making my own vodka.)

Also, that picture, nothing to do with this post.  Except, she's always at my side when I'm writing or editing audio files.  That's something I can do now. (On a VERY basic level.)

July.

July is awesome.  It's the best summer month.  You've got the Fourth of July, nice weather, tans, pretty girls in sundresses (wait, am I supposed to like this?), tons of lounging, boats... I don't know, I just like July. 

My July was as fun as any other month is, I suppose.  I performed in a lot of shows, I ate a couple of hot dogs, I swam a few times, I re-read the Harry Potter books, I had fun with my friends... all in all, not too shabby.  Here are some pictures from my July.

My Tiny Corner.

 

{cute bear.}

I have a very small apartment and an even smaller room.  I love my neighborhood, and I'm seconds away from work and walking distance to most places I usually frequent, so that makes up for the small space.  Plus, I have found that I collect a lot less shit when I have such a small space to work with.  I have a lot of random stuff... but as far as big pieces go, I only have my bed.  And a lot of shoes and dresses. 

My walls are a hideous shade of beige/green/gray.  My shelves are constantly dusty (no matter how hard I dust.  Which isn't very hard at all.)  But I work with what I got!  And I think my room is a good representation of my personality.  So, basically, my personality is cramped, cluttered, vibrant, quirky and Muppet-y.

 

{kermit lunch box and my favorite AC picture.}

 {a smart message. and a picture of mary taking a picture of me.}

{the patty logo and fozzie bear.}

{elmo.}

{my bed and photo wall.}

 

{the jacksons. and my owl.}

 {my favorite dresses, records and my record player.}

One Happy Idiot.

Yesterday, I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and he called me, of all people, tenacious and persistent.  Those are traits I never thought could be matched with myself.  I hate following up or putting people out or being annoying.  But I am a constant, hopeful dreamer... and when I really want something, then I really want something and I will not give up. 

I really wanted to do improv.  But, just simply doing it wasn't enough for me.  I could go through the training center and be done with it.  But I wanted more and more.  And eventually, I got it to the "end goal" of being on the mainstage.  I mean, I worked for a lot of years.  And I had a great time along the way.  So it never felt like I was working too hard or busting my ass.  But, looking back, I kinda did.

Truthfully, I might be too hopeful.  I always think things will work out well.  And even when they don't, I never, ever feel bad about, or regret,  thinking positively.  I refuse to think "this is it, it'll never be better" and move on.  There's no fun in that.  I like to dream, and believe, that everything will be and can get better, as long as I don't give up on it.  I spend a lot of time envisioning what I want and then actively trying to get there. 

Maybe I'm a total idiot.  But, some of the greatest days of my life have happened because I was an idiot who didn't stop holding on to impossible thoughts and hopes.  I don't give up.  I won't give up.  And I'm happy being a dummy.

How To Deal with Bad Days

Lately I've been feeling pretty glum.  There's not one thing that's bringing me down, it's more like everything.  I've been weirdly sick, it's so fucking hot and improv is improv and god damnit, things!  Stupid things!  Today I woke up at 6:30 in the morning, unable to sleep any more because of the heat and I got sick again (I tell you, if I could survive without my back and stomach, I would kill them) and I just started crying from the stress of it all.  

So, naturally, I spent the day trying to beat it.  Here's my tried and true list of how to de-stress and feel better.  Disclaimer: They do not work for everybody.  Nor did these all work for me today.  But, well, mind over matter. 

1. Shower. Cold. Hot. Alternate. Cover your ears and stand directly under the shower head and let it hit the top of your head.  Sing! 

2. Read a book on the waterfront.  Preferably underneath a tree.  And, uh, try not to freak out when you get sap on you and think it's bird shit.  My book of choice today was "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire."  I'm re-reading the whole series because that's just the kind of thing I do every now and then because I'm a nerdy bird. 

3. Window shop.  Or regular shop.  I don't have the money, nor do I need another dress.  But, that feeling of something new is always a nice, fleeting feeling. 

4. Go for a walk.  I tried this today, but it was WAY TOO HOT.  I got from the Waterfront to Faneuil Hall and back to the North End.  

5. Do yoga.  Still way too hot, but managed to do a good twenty minutes (then followed it quickly with #1.) 

6. Clean.  When I'm stressed, nothing helps more than getting my life in order in some way.  I swept and Swiffered and gathered up all sorts of trash to take out and did the dishes and I felt accomplished... which is also a nice, fleeting feeling.

7. Listen to music that makes you think of happy memories.  I listened to Motown Remixed while I walked around.  Then Otis Redding while I napped. 

8. Write.  I wrote this blog post!  And some other stuff!  While drinking coffee! 

9. Treat yourself.  I painted my nails and bought a giant iced coffee. My hands are prettier and I feel less tired, what a treat! (My eyes, on the other hand, do not look less tired.)

10. Remember that sometimes it's just totally okay to wallow and be stressed.  We're not perfect and we can't be upbeat and happy every single day.  Sometimes life is a son of a bitch and has us treading water all day... but tomorrow might be better.  And hopefully less sweaty.

On Being Day Job-Less.

I have been without a day job for a total of three months.  And, to be honest, I haven't done much of anything.  The first couple of weeks were spent in rehearsal, so that was productive and my creative juices were flowing.  But once that stopped, anxiety set in and I felt like a useless sack of Pat-tatoes. (See what I did there!!!)

Then, I kind of got over it.  I have a job.  It's just during weird hours when everyone else is out having fun with their friends.  I teach and I perform and I'm making a decent living doing what I enjoy, and for that I am grateful.  Am I rich?  No.  But I'm happy and fulfilled, and that's more important.

I have given myself the summer to just be.  I don't go out much, so I don't spend a ton of money.  But I have spent my days doing relaxing things like swimming in my friend's pool (that happened twice) and reading a book on the waterfront (I'm re-reading all of the Harry Potter series because WHY THE HELL NOT) and going for long walks along the Waterfront.  I'm tan, I wear less layers, I drink Arizona iced tea out of mason jars... there really isn't much to complain about. 

So, did I make the right choice?  Yes!  Today I hung out with Roberto (he's cute) and Kathryn (she's cute) and ran into MJ (not Jackson) and Rachel (trash bag) and it was delightful to see them.  But, I'm glad we're friends outside of work... because while I miss my former company on a constant basis, I don't miss feeling stuck and sitting in a desk chair all day doing work that I didn't feel great about. 

As I get older, I realize that there is no set formula.  Not all of us are cut out to go to college directly after high school then get a full-time job directly after that.   We're not all walking down the same path. And while I know that I could sit at a desk all day and get a steady paycheck and benefits, I'm excited that I chose to split off and find my own way.  Poor, hungry and fun.